Honesty

I am going to make a post today being totally honest with you.  Honesty is the best policy...so I'll get it off my chest.  It has been a week out our house.  Ella has had a chest cold that appears to have turned back into the croup yet again.  She seemed to be getting better Monday and Tuesday, but is definitely getting worse today.  We're headed to see Dr. Ben this afternoon.  Ella has been in the worst mood to date since her colic days.  She hasn't had a fever, but I think she feels crummy and cranky-- and we're catching the brunt of it.  Some days being a parent is so difficult...especially when you've exhausted all your resources and still haven't come up with a solution that works.  You feel guilty, irritable, stressed and helpless.  Hopefully Dr. Ben will get to the bottom of what's going on.  I thought she could get over this on her own (since she seemed to be getting better), but it looks like she may need some antibiotics.  I just hate having to give her lots of antibiotics so early in life.  But Brent and I are at a loss for how to help her this week, so hopefully some medication will do the trick.

So more honesty...I think Brent and I have both hit a brick wall where we are just mentally and physically exhausted.  We've been going 90 to nothing since I was hospitalized with pre-term labor in November 2010 and I think it's finally caught up to us.  Ella's early delivery, colic, Brent's Boards, saying good-bye to our life in Texas, our big move to Savannah, get settled into a new town, raising a spirited child, getting pregnant again, deciding it was best to move to the Atlanta area, looking for jobs, making the four and a half hour drive back and forth, making new plans...etc...I think it's all hit us...we need a nice long vacation.  It will have to be an imaginary vacation because it's just not happening in the near future.  I know this is what being a grown up is all about.  There are wonderful times and there are hard times.  I think we have been treading water for a long time and just need someone to come by and pull us back on the life boat.  We're not desperate or anything...just weary and ready to be settled in our life.

My brother was commenting the other day that my blog is always so uplifting.  I try to reflect on the things that are positive in life and focus on the things I want us to remember.  But, I also have to be honest with myself.  Lately things have been challenging.  And our problems are TINY compared to so many other people I truly know this.  I don't want to sound ungrateful.  But, do you ever have that moment where you just need a breather??  I think that's where we're at.  I'm hoping the Brent's job future and our move are sorted out sooner than later.  Living in limbo is tough.  But, the good news is Brent and I have been on the exact same page throughout this process.  We are feeling the same things and I think that is bringing us closer together.  I am beyond grateful that we always seem to be able to work together...even when things are tough.

So we will continue to tread water and to be honest with ourselves.  I think the life boat is just over the horizon...sailing towards us if we just keep treading.