Oh my...Thanksgiving, Ella's 2nd Birthday, Christmas, 30th Birthdays, etc. have all come and gone without a blog post. Oy. We've been in kind of a tough place. Ava Jane has yet to sleep through a single night and is 9.5 months old. We are sleep deprived beyond belief and would seriously consider a night nurse if finances allowed. Her reflux is just that bad...and the doctor says she may not be over it until as old as 2!!?? We're freaking out just a little. She has to sleep sitting up...not on a incline...like sitting upright. It's intense. Poor thing. Any way...we are facilitating a 24 hr a day program at our house--there is never a moment of down time. It's been tough. I can't bring myself to do much more than keep the household running, take care of the kids, and fulfill my office manager duties in Brent's office. As you can see, the blog has suffered.
But, I'm trying to get back on track. I really love being able to look back at the blog and see the progression of time. Brent's practice is doing well and building-- slow and steady wins the race!!! I'm enjoying being back in the working world (even if it is balancing books on my laptop at 10 o'clock at night in between Ava Jane waking up every 2 hours or popping in the office a few hours here and there). It's been fun to utilize the non-Mommy part of my brain 15+ hours a week. And I must say I'm really enjoying learning a new skill.
All and all we are good. The girls started a new MMO (mother's morning out) program this week and they both seemed happy when I picked them up. Apparently Ava Jane would not take her bottle or allow anyone to hold her while she was there...she's very particular about who she wants...but she seemed okay with the experience. They'll both go twice a week in addition to Ella's preschool twice a week. During that time I have the flexibility of working from home or in the office. It's good for them and it's good for me. I am fully embracing that it is healthy for me to have an outlet and for them to be under the care of someone else besides family (in a safe environment of course).
I was talking to some friends a couple of weeks ago and was telling them that I have finally come to the realization that I have to let go of the feeling that I am the only one that should be caring for them every minute of every day (except of course when Brent is home, my Mom's here helping, and the time Eddie and Julie come to visit us). I worked so hard at my job as a teacher and wanted to give 110% to my students and I spent hours outside of work making sure I did just that. It's transferred over to my mothering-- the desire to do it ALL and wanting to micro-manage. Sometimes this part of my personality is hard on me. But, I'm feeling more confident that if the girls are at school or MMO or even with a nanny a couple of days a week that they will be okay--and I'll be okay. It's taken me a while to get there. But, having 2 little ones so close together, Ava Jane's reflux, and also trying to run the business aspect of Brent's practice has made me realize that it's okay to seek assistance--in fact it's healthy. As long as the girls are safe and I feel confident that they are in good hands-- it will be best for all of us. At the end of the day, I'm still with them a TON and when I have a little break it makes me a better Mommy. Okay...I am rambling. Just had to get that off my chest. Exhale.
So we are settling into our new routine and throwing around an idea of a babysitter/nanny a couple of days half days a week...apparently there are some that will cook and clean for you too...um, that's AWESOME--doubt we'll be able to afford that kind of multi-tasking nanny--but hey it doesn't hurt to check it out! Lots and lots to catch up on...maybe I'll finally have some time! Off to clean house...both girls are napping. They had a busy day at MMO-- Ella said "I have fun" when I picked her up. That's great, Bells...just what Mommy wants to hear!! And I asked her if Ava Jane was happy or cried at school...she said, "Aba Jane (yes--she called her A-buh Jane) happy at school. Ella happy." It made me feel like I really am doing the best thing for all of us!
