Bittersweet

Last Monday was a bittersweet day for me.  It was the day I was suppose to return to work.  I have mentioned my job before-- I have (had) the best job in the world.  I was one of one of six lower school teachers at Dallas Academy.  When we moved to Dallas, I was incredibly lucky to get a job at this school.  This wasn't just a job, the people there became family.  I met some of my best friends there in such a short period of time.  I can't say enough good things about it!! It has been a true blessing to work there.

When Ella was born, it was my intention to return to work the first week of April.  My mom would come stay with Ella during April and Brent's mom would come during May.  They offered to help us out, which was so generous.  Ella is blessed to have two grandmas that care so much for her.

 I decided in January that with Ella's colic and coming early, I shouldn't return to work.  I was pretty confident with this decision.  However, around late February/ Early March, I started having second thoughts.  I loved my job so much and truly missed it...not to mention the financial strain of not returning.  At this point,  it was no longer an option to have our moms come, so I had a wonderful lady lined up to keep Ella.  I completely trusted her, but really struggled with the fact that I was going to leave Ella. 

I was concerned about returning to work as Ella's colic continued and as her "high needs baby" title held true.  Plus, I just liked being the person that took care of her all the time. I started to second guess myself.  Was I making the right decision for Ella and our family?? I wrestled with the decision, agonized over the decision, and prayed over the decision.  Then the answer came to me (God is good like that)-- I needed to stay home with Ella and get her through this stage.  She needs me more than anyone else does right now

So, I talked to my boss (which also happens to be one of my very best friends) and she totally supported my decision.  I emailed the parents a very honest email about why I wasn't returning.  They sent back encouraging emails to show their support for me.  It really reaffirmed that I was making the right decision.  The best part was that some of the most wonderful students I had had been severely colicky too!!  I always like to hear that! :)

Monday came and went-- I didn't return to Dallas Academy.  I was at home working on the most important job of my life--being Ella's mommy.  This job is challenging, frustrating, amazing, fulfilling, and wonderful all at the same time.  It's the hardest, most rewarding job I've ever done--not to mention the most important.  Did I make the right decision?? ABSOLUTELY!!  I am so lucky that Brent supported me through this process.  It's hard to make decisions when it comes to family finances...but he wanted to do what was best for Ella too.  He basically let me make the final decision and let me know that he supported me either way.  Just another instance to show what a great husband he is!!  Love you, B!!

I will be helping out at Dallas Academy once a week in the classroom.  The wonderful ladies in the front office are planning to take care of Ella while I spend time in the classrooms.  I stopped by last Wednesday to explain this to the kids.  They totally understood and made me feel so much better.  I love those kids!! I can't wait to spend time with them as a volunteer!

It was so bittersweet to give up something that meant so much to me for the little baby who means the world to Brent and me.  I truly believe that being a good parent is all about sacrifice.  It's the mentality that I will do anything for you.  It's powerful.  It's hard. It's overwhelming.  But, Brent and I love Ella so much, we are willing to sacrifice for what's best for her.  It's a beautiful thing.  And I'll let you in on a secret...I want to be her stay at home mommy...I am extremely thankful and lucky to have this opportunity.

We know it's all worth it when we look at this sweet little face.  We are tremendously blessed!!